Lightning Returns FF XIII post epilog

It was beautiful,,,
               There is no other word to describe it,,,,

Falling through the mixture of mist n clouds,
he closed his eyes blinded by the radiant beauty exploding in all directions,
still adapting to light, mind fighting for reality after the darkness of chaos,,,
Finally he opens his eyes slowly, seeing it clearly, for the firs time,
Gasping for his breath at the intensity of the moment, it all seems unreal,,,
Sunrays playing on the crystal sky and deep purple and blue sea,
surrounded by crystal ground and infinite green meadows he remember from his childhood,,,
falling to the ground exhausted by the emotions, catching his breath hands reaching to grass at his feet, he had to touch it to convince himself it’s real, tiny flowers melt under his fingers, and its petals flew away guided by the sudden breeze,

Time seem irrelevant here, only light frozen in crystal stretching over the wide waist
Standing on the small cliff, above purple sea, resuming it all in his head, trying to tie the facts, no matter how long he look at it, he could never explain what is this place, or where is he? or to remember how and when he come here exactly?

only he knows for sure was; he was here and whatever may that be; eternal bliss or plastic paradise as someone may call it, it was painfully real, yet there was something ethereal in it,  

he wave his head in denial unable to comprehend it, releasing some flowers he pickup unconsciously, it doesn’t matter anymore, he did what he did and will had to live with it for all eternity, his only comfort was; Yeul is finally happy, he get what he always wanted, no matter the price he had to paid for it, he know it and accept it centuries ago, never doubting his actions,,,  never hesitating

and here is where that get him, no matter how much he think about it, somehow he was unable to feel it, he got what he want, but unable to feel it, without triumph of victory,,, no fulfillment he expect to find at the end of his journey,,,
no matter how hard he try to convince himself it’s all over,
something was wrong and he could feel it,
something bothers him deeply,
he was not happy,

standing up and glancing toward the blue sky above him before falling to a crystal slumber once again, he could almost see her piercing blue eyes, striking at him, before slashing, he could almost swear to see her white stud rising above the misty clouds in distance, closing his eyes in disbelief, no matter how hard he try,
memories still hunt him down,

he still remember,,,, all history,,, and all he did to break it,,,,
every fight he had,,,      for all eternity,,,  

back then only standing between him and final destruction,,, painful memory flash,,,
walkira,,, she seemed like a distant dream, rising on her stead and falling through the sky, when he opened his eyes, her silhouette on the horizon, getting closer, until stopping before him, look at her take his breath away, no matter how hard he fight to deny it, she was there, and there were no doubt she’s real, standing in complete silence and obvious discomfort and confusion, hands on her hip nervously reaching for something unable to find in outfit similar to old uniform, checking her forehead and head,,, after seeing his stare, she start fixing her tangled hair,,, instinctively he glanced to her hands gasping in surprise, she had no weapon, questions burst rising up to stream blurring his sight before he finally regain his voice;  
"why are you here?" anticipating answers,"And how did you got here?"
unable to decide what to ask next,                                          

twitching her lips nervously; „I don’t know", she start talking bewildered;"I was at my home", hands gesturing carried in explaining;"thinking about the Odin and how I never ride it again,,," he could see her heart sink on this, "and next moment we were rising trough the air!" her eyes glare to the sky, adding in a lower voice;"and here I was," pause.

"but now I can’t find him!?" they were standing in silence few seconds before she continue; trying to explain it more to herself;"maybe I’m dreaming or I hit it to hard this time?" lightly touching her forehead, and giving him few bewildered glances still overwhelmed by all impressions she got in short time, not sure what happen or where she is, curiosity take over; "What is this place?" she had to ask,

"It’s what you see," he folded his arms taking his usual stance,
She did the same, before returning to her old self, then turning around in observation, setting her voice;"well, guess even hell really changed these days didn’t it?" turning toward him,

He shrug his shoulders, seemingly not paying attention, so she continue staring to distance in hope to see Odin and wandering where she could start searching for him? and how to get out of here? She know it already, the same way she come her!

"Are we still enemies?"

"Hm?" he snap out of his thoughts in surprise, to se her rising eyebrow arms folded,
this bring back memories making his thoughts tangle, he had to turn his back;
"No I don’t think so,"

She was unable to see his expression, or to determine is this all for real or some weird dream, but she had to know;"You are not planning anything stupid again don’t you?"    
"You know if you try that again I will had to fight you!" with that she take her fighting stance fist grasping for something invisible, without a sword, it look almost comic,

He smirked; "no, not this time," head bent like ashamed, hoping she would disappear
if he wish it hard enough and leave him be,

"Well if that’s all,,, " she didn’t want to doubt his answer, knowing what may happen if she did, "ok then! best I find Odin and get out of here fast I can!"

"Wait don’t leave yet!" he was surprised by his words, and even more hearing his voice;
"I need to ask you something?!"

"What?!"

"Tell me about the new world?"

"What about it?"  

"How it’s like?"  

"Hm?" She lean on hand tapping to her chin to think about it roll few times before answering,
"Well I guess it’s fine", she glanced waving around; "not like this place, but I can call it home,"

"And that’s it? All you have to say?"

"What?" bit annoyed,

"Well, there is no magic, or at least as you may know it, and no hi tech machines and all,"

pause,
"Oh! Yeul is fine she is happy with Noel!" she added happy to remember what to say,
faint expression light his face, I know that!

"And how about you?"

"Who me?" she asked in disbelief trying to catch direction where this conversation leads or get the point of it? "I’m fine thank you!" She finally spit it in polite tone, happy to got it and remembering casual conversation and manners she was taught long ago, never guessing that would be something she will use in situation like this,

"Did you meet someone?"

This was enough; "Wth you asking me? I MEET PEOPLE EVERY DAY! I’m working at museum security!"

"Oh?! And did you meet someone you love?" he was interested to know more, seemingly not bother with her tone,

She shifted nervously, ashamed of guilt and rage she still feel, taking deep breath to regain her temper and answer calmly;"everyone! I live with Serah until she marry Snow they are in wedding preparation, with Vanille and Fang helping, Hope is working his machine, he is good with children and take care of Dajh when not flying with his father, they all visit me often at museum we have large exhibition of ancient machines,,, " wondering why I’m telling him all this? glancing, he was listening without the interruption, so she concluded; "it’s almost annoying how they love to hang out together! rolling her eyes getting bored of this conversation unable to catch its point,
eager to move,

"And are you happy?" he continued his questioning calmly,

She could almost feel sorry for him staying here alone while everyone else is in new world,,, so she try to answer best she can; "well I should be", "it’s easy money, not much to do, I have lots of free time to think and maybe I write a book about all,,, we get the new world,,, and everything is fine now,"

"Guess I’m happy!" she smile,,, adding;"girls are alright!" thumb up, with this she stand up making few steps in order to start searching for Odin.

"But,,,"

"But what?" it almost hurt when he grab her forearms, one long moment before she get free of his grip with one well trained maneuver, rubbing her arms to relief uncomfort and confusion, unable to determine what is this all about or understand his strange behavior,  

He was silent, but she could feel tension and tell he is expecting some answers,
so she talk just to break it,

"Sometimes," at this he returned his gaze at her, so she know she get his attention, he was listening "I just,,, think about all that happen,,,, and" they eyes finally meet for the firs first time, she was unable to hold so she look down to her palms, moving away while talking,

"And? " I had to know what

"And,,,I can’t stop think about it,,,"standing before him, he was unable to see her face,
"no matter how you think about it, can’t get over the fact we got the new world, but we lost the old one! both Pulse and Cocoon are beyond salvation!" he know
fist clenched where her brand was once  

he look at her eyes wide open, and his lips moved but she didn’t hear him anymore,

"Serah,,,"  she broke; "every time I look at her,,, I remember,,, she die because of me!"
voice lost her clearing her throat to continue; "even I did my best to protect,,, her"  
"her,,, death is my fault,,,," taking one deep breath; "I can't forgive it myself, nor forget all what happen," he could tell what’s coming, "even she never say it or any bad word about what happen,,, even sometime I wish her to say it,,, " sky in her eyes turn into storm, "I deserve it! for what I did,,," falling to the ground, with hands on her face,

this hit him, she actually said all he was thinking all this time but can't admit it to himself, relief and disbelief clashing in his soul,
so that’s what it is?                                

Not sure what to do, he didn’t have right to comfort her, he lost his temper;"listen to me!" standing before her reaching for her hand rising her up;"if anyone this is my fault! If you need someone to blame blame me!" his eyes rage tempest, she had to believe him;"you never did anything wrong, all you did was trying to fix my mistakes" staring at their holding hands she was still under impression of all this unable to cope it,,,

they both sit in silence for a while, looking to a beautiful green straws playing on the wind around them,    

before she finally continue, "guess everyone feel the same,,, " saying it more for herself
"even Vanilla who is always smiling," hand quick cross over eyes,
"we never talk about it, but we all well know what is it, we all hear of it, all solders know about it and we can tell when it got us, soul catche that’s how we call it but guess no one expect it to happen to him or at least not so soon,,, "

this take him out of his thoughts, "do you have partner?" puzzled she gaze at him, his serious expression not revealing any hint, so she answered;
"no, hero don’t need a partner" then grin;"If I need help I know who to ask!"
making few steps away, she decided to go

"Why do you ask?"

like this give him courage to tell what he was thinking, suddenly he stand up holding her hands;“listen to me",she stand up beside him expecting to her whatever he wish to tell her

"here I had time to think, but was unable to see it clearly," pause to make sure she is here; "after hearing all this from you I think I understand it now," look at her thankfully, she just nod so he continue;"we were all just puppets in the gods hands,"
it was true, they both stand there in silent agreement, after all what was said and done it’s time to move on, this was good bye,

they eyes meet again and she could tell he is hesitating before telling it aloud,
"you are not telling me what I think you will?!"

he look at her and she could tell exactly what’s on his mind
"if you ever need,,, " his eyes suddenly get much darker, she know it moment she got here,
his lips moving but she didn’t wish to hear it! fighting to resist temptation!
refusing to believe it,

she saw that look before and, here is where that get us,,, He was the one who fight time itself! closing her eyes in disbelief refusing to her word he say, tossing it in her mind, one tear rolling to her chin, and when she finally find strength to open her eyes she relies his grip and jump in joy,  

"Odin!"  white steed moves his ears and rise toward her over the green grass he was standing in a near distance,

"here you are!" next moment she was holding its mane to be sure it’s real,

"I was looking for you all over this place!"

"Where were you hiding?"

"No matter anymore let’s go home!" she was in the saddle, ready to go,
"I want to see her again!" steed turn around in place few times like choosing direction to go, this gives her time for few glances before they rise up toward to blue sky and disappearin a portal of whit light appearing from nowhere and closing in a same way,

and before he could say anything,  she was gone, he had to laugh at this,
she truly live her name!

And with one long glance toward to sky he say good bye,